How to read Lolita without garnering suspicion

Step 1 – Wear a light grey trench coat and sunglasses on the subway. Make sure the COVERED book is tucked comfortably in your briefcase.

Step 2 – Sit next to a senior citizen. An older man. The opposite of a younger girl.

Step 3 – Cough loudly

Step 4 – Pull out the book.

Step 5 – Read and enjoy. Look side to side just to be safe. If anybody shoots you point blank and asks “Lolita, huh?”…you know the drill.